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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26585833">show me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scriptor_Bellum/pseuds/Scriptor_Bellum'>Scriptor_Bellum</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Bleach</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AND PLAN TO TRY AND MAKE IT BETTER IN WHATEVER WAY THEY CAN, Aftermath of Torture, Amputation, Angst, Blood and Gore, Canon-Typical Violence, Complicated Relationships, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, I am in no way sorry about this, M/M, Multi, Other, Physical Trauma, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Recovery, THEY'RE VERY UNNERVED ABOUT WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO LUPPI, Torture, Touch-Starved, enjoy patching up your new horrible androgynous nonhuman boyfriend, no beta we die like men, reader cares a lot about Szayel as a friend but also probably wants to kick him in the teeth, reader is sweet and a human</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:48:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,564</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26585833</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scriptor_Bellum/pseuds/Scriptor_Bellum</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Every challenge these people — Hollows, Arrancars, nonhuman entities — have given you, every thing you’re shown that contradicts your life so far, you’ve risen to it. You took every unusual thing in stride and did your damnedest not to flinch at the callous brutality here.</p><p>But you’re pretty sure you can’t keep that up forever. Sooner or later, something is going to make you realize how awful and broken this place and these people are.</p><p>It happens when you’re alone in the lab.</p><p>Luppi x reader, gore and caretaking, tread with caution!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Luppi Antenor/Reader, Luppi/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>show me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">


        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/17347259">i want out from under, this confining skin</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/InvertedPhantasmagoria/pseuds/InvertedPhantasmagoria">InvertedPhantasmagoria</a>.
        </li>

    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Make sure you read the warnings!!</p><p>Also love Luppi uwu and enjoy this! (Also go read InvertedPhantasmagoria's Yylfordt thing and maybe also their other things bc that's what inspired me to start this!)</p><p>mwah~ &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>baby, I feel it deep down in my bones<br/>there's a part of me no one else has known<br/>when you look, I'm afraid of what you see<br/>but you say, "show me"<br/>you say, "show me."<br/></em>
</p><p>—"Show Me", Idina Menzel<br/></p><hr/><p>When these strange people decided you were a liability because you’d seen something you shouldn’t have, you cooperated as best you could only so you wouldn’t end up dead like several of them suggested should happen.</p><p>When you were put under the watch of a man named Szayel and instructed to do whatever he told you to, you complied and spent your days mixing up chemicals or handing him tools or entertaining his bizarre underlings.</p><p>When Szayel made remarks about cutting you up <em> to see what humans are made of</em>, only to laugh at your reaction and tell you that you better pray to whatever god you believe in that he doesn’t get bored enough to actually do it, your blood ran cold, but you didn’t try to flee.</p><p>When Szayel’s brother Yylfordt came to the clinic with a dislocated shoulder and you were told to take care of it because Szayel couldn’t be bothered, you managed to do so without vomiting and with no experience, despite the fact that this man screamed apparently every curse word he knew as soon as you did.</p><p>When Szayel seemed completely unconcerned with his brother’s pain, not even offering him something as rudimentary as an equivalent of aspirin, and Yylfordt snapped at both of you that he should have just done it himself, it became much clearer to you that something is very wrong here.</p><p>Every challenge these people — Hollows, Arrancars, nonhuman entities — have given you, every thing you’re shown that contradicts your life so far, you’ve risen to it. You took every unusual thing in stride and did your damnedest not to flinch at the callous brutality around this place.</p><p>But you’re pretty sure you can’t keep that up forever. Sooner or later, something is going to make you realize how awful and broken this place and everyone here is.</p><p>Just when you think you should no longer be shocked — just when you think you’ve got it all figured out — these people throw you headfirst into something you lose your mind trying to understand.</p><p>It happens when you’re alone in the lab.</p><p>Szayel had other business to attend to, and he took his Fracciónes, including your usual companions Lumina and Verona, leaving you by yourself. He gave you a vague order to simply “keep things under control,” which usually means you can sit and do whatever you want (within reason) until he comes back. Once or twice another Arrancar has dropped by with an injury, but it was something you could easily fix. A couple of scratches that would heal on their own in a day anyway, or a fresh bruise that needed some ice on it.</p><p>Beyond that and Yylfordt’s dislocated shoulder, you haven’t dealt with anything terribly severe. Even the things you’ve dealt with are typically only from accidents or sparring. That’s all you’ve ever expected to deal with. Szayel handles anything more than that.</p><p>So when the door opens, you’re not expecting the horrific scene you get to take in.</p><p>A young man is tossed onto the floor with a sickening crack, thrown by the Arrancar who opened the door. This one has shocking blue hair and eyes to match, his shirt is open, and his clothes from the waist down — not that he’s wearing much on his upper half in the first place — are covered with blood. That’s to say nothing of his left arm, which is so bloody you would think he’s injured too if not for the fact that he doesn’t seem to be in any pain.</p><p>What’s his name again? Grimmjow, you think? He’s always sort of unnerved you. Like he’s a bomb with a mountain of raw power just under the surface, waiting to be set off.</p><p>“Hey.” His voice is sharp and cuts over the sounds of the other Arrancar who’s writhing in pain on the ground. “Got a patient for you.”</p><p>You’re almost frozen until his words snap you out of it, and then immediately you run over to kneel by the hurt Arrancar. “W-what?! What happened?!”</p><p>The look Grimmjow gives you implies that he thinks you’re a complete idiot. “I broke him. Now fix him so I can break him again.”</p><p>“H… huh?” It almost doesn’t register in your mind. What the hell? How can someone be so cruel as to hurt another person and then demand they be healed just so that the other person can hurt them again? That’s insane. “Why — what — who <em>is he?!</em>”</p><p>“Tch. Little brat who thinks he can keep my place even now. His name’s Luppi. Just fix him up, alright? If it takes more than a couple weeks, I’m gonna be pissed, so keep that in mind. I’m not someone you want pissed at you.” With that, Grimmjow turns on his heel and walks off, the door pulled shut behind him.</p><p>Your mind is still racing a mile a minute trying to comprehend what just happened, but you push those thoughts aside for the moment. That stuff can be worked through later; right now, this man needs help.</p><p>There’s blood puddling on the floor, and it looks to have soaked entirely through one of his long sleeves. “Luppi?” you call, tentatively giving his other shoulder a brief shake. Do you have his attention or not? Is he even conscious? He was making noise and he’s obviously hurting, so he’s got to be some sort of awake. “Can you hear me?”</p><p>The only answer you get is a low, cracking moan of distress that breaks your heart into a million pieces.</p><p>“Okay, okay… it’s okay…” You’re not sure whether you’re saying that more for his benefit or yours. It feels like you can’t even breathe. Is this seriously happening right now? Where’s Szayel to help you? This is more than you’ve ever treated! You can’t do anything for him on your own!</p><p>But… it seems like you have to. Luppi is in trouble here. If you don’t do anything, he’s just going to end up in more trouble. There’s so much blood you think he might even be in danger of dying.</p><p><strike> Can Arrancar die?? Aren’t they all invincible or something? </strike> <strike> Oh, God, is he going to die? </strike> <strike> Fuck, fuck, FUCK </strike> <strike> — </strike></p><p>You lift Luppi up off the floor and are a bit startled that he’s lighter than you think he should be. Although he looks short and petite anyway, he should weigh more than this. Shouldn’t he? When you lift him, you have to hold him flush against you to keep from losing your balance or dropping him. What results is him throwing both sleeves around you with a high-pitched whine. Blood paints one of your cheeks as he does this and you can only count yourself lucky that he just barely missed your mouth.</p><p>By the way wet warmth seeps into you, it’s undeniable that there’s blood coming from somewhere other than his arm. You couldn’t even see what wounds were on his arm. You shudder to think about what other kinds of damage he has — everything you missed with just that cursory glance at him.</p><p>“Ah, Luppi… I’m sorry…” you squeak out as you manage to get him set down on the exam table. Being carried like that can’t be comfortable for him regardless of where his injuries are, so being a weak-hearted human, you feel the need to apologize.</p><p>Once he’s there, another flood of panic almost drowns you. What are you supposed to do? You don’t know how to fix up a human, let alone an Arrancar. Szayel didn’t teach you a whole lot of anything. There was no motivation for him to do so, because you were more like a servant instead of an apprentice. You know the very basics of Arrancar biology that Szayel saw fit to teach you about, and that’s it.</p><p>You can barely focus. You’ve gotta get your shit together so you can take care of him.</p><p>You shake your head a couple times and take in a deep breath. The coppery smell of all the blood makes you gag, but you force it down. <em> Don’t you DARE. </em> <em> Don’t make another patient. </em></p><p>Okay — the first thing you should do is probably figure out exactly what you’re dealing with, right? That seems logical. To fix all his wounds, you need to know where they are and how bad they are.</p><p>A closer look at him reveals that under all the agony, he’s probably attractive. Probably, because you can’t tell for sure, because most of his face is marked up in cuts and bruises at the moment. There’s a moderately deep gash over one eye that’s dragged all the way from his temple to the line of his jaw. The other eye is almost swollen shut, the skin around it black and blue and angry violet. His hair is the color of pitch and cut in a short bob that barely reaches his chin. What remains of his Hollow mask (which is one thing Szayel marginally educated you on) looks like a comb of teeth decorating part of his hair.</p><p>It looks intact, or at least you hope that’s all that was left of his mask originally. Most Arrancars have their own sick little code of honor that you don’t try to destroy the remnants of someone else’s Hollow mask; Grimmjow wouldn’t do that, would he?</p><p>When you use a scalpel to cut Luppi’s bloody sleeve at the shoulder so you can see the wound, the blade clangs to the floor in an instant as your hands fly to cover your mouth.</p><p>
  <em>His arm’s been cut off.</em>
</p><p>Everything up to the elbow is gone, and that’s where all this blood is coming from. The wound itself looks shoddy, jagged, like the weapon of whoever did it wasn’t sharp enough and they had to keep hacking away. There are bits of muscle and nerves still hanging off the stump, you think, at least from what you can see through the blood. It’s the most disgusting thing you’ve ever seen.</p><p>“<em>OH, MY GOD! </em>”</p><p>You can’t help it. The scream that escapes you can probably be heard through the entirety of the palace, and you can’t bring yourself to care. How are you supposed to hold that back? There’s no way. You can’t just bite back your visceral reaction to seeing another living being missing a limb.</p><p>You can just imagine everyone else’s reactions. Chuckling, making jokes at your expense, claiming, <em> “ </em> <em> Oh, p</em><em>oor little weak thing, we knew they couldn’t handle us.” </em> The other Arrancars are almost certainly amused at hearing your terrified screeching.</p><p>The world around you goes dim for a moment, and it’s only by some miracle that you grasp onto the edge of the table. You wobble and retch a few times, and you think maybe you’re going to pass out. Whatever Luppi did to Grimmjow, it can’t have been enough to warrant something like this.</p><p>After a moment, you somehow scrounge up the strength to remain conscious — if only for the fact that if you don’t, it could very well mean Luppi’s death. You lean against the table for a moment to steady and mentally prepare yourself.</p><p>“Okay, right,” you mumble to yourself. “That’s one… one wound… missing arm… o-okay… um…”</p><p>Might be smart to keep him from bleeding out while you try to take stock of everything else.</p><p>You hurry to the medical closet where you know Szayel keeps nearly all of the first-aid supplies. Not that most Arrancars need them, so thankfully there’s a good deal of things for you to use. For starters you grab an armful of towels before hurrying back out to the main room. One of them is quickly pressed to the stump where Luppi’s left arm would have been, as hard as you dare to. The last thing you want is to hurt him even more.</p><p>Despite your attempt at being gentle, Luppi lets out an ungodly shriek as soon as you start trying to stem the bleeding. He twists around and tries to pull away from you. There were already tears pooling in his swollen eye, and now they spill over and start running down his face. More pathetic little noises squeeze their way past his lips as the tears make stinging trails over all the scratches on his face. Oh, God, that has got to <em> hurt like hell. </em></p><p>“Aaah, I’m sorryyyyy…” That’s all you can say at the moment, really. You can’t wave a magic wand and make it all better, and you definitely can’t pull the towel away until the bleeding’s stopped. So the only thing you can do is offer apologies that are pretty much useless. “I’m sorry, Luppi, I’m so sorry…”</p><p>You hold the towel against his stump for a moment, then switch it out once it starts to get saturated. God, there’s so much blood. How is it possible for someone to lose this much blood and still be alive? How is he not unconscious right now?</p><p>As you press the new towel against the rush of blood, your eyes roam over the rest of Luppi’s body to try and see what other injuries he has besides missing an arm. There’s blood coming from somewhere else, you could feel it when you picked him up. A glance toward your own pure white clothes reveals that red stained near your stomach. That’s probably where it is on him, too…</p><p>It takes a moment of searching and a one-handed swipe with a clean scalpel, but you find the other gusher. It’s not really a missing piece this time — it’s a bunch of deep, deep, deep slashes. They’re concentrated over his right hip, where it looks like there’s also something… black? An infection can’t have set in that quickly. What could possibly be black?</p><p>When you look closer, it appears that whatever is black on his skin is under the lacerations. Maybe it’s just a marking he has…? You know by two of the others you’ve met, Tesla and Ggio, that some Arrancars have strange markings on their skin, and it looks like Luppi himself has some under his bangs.</p><p>The wounds are bleeding pretty good, though. It’s not quite to the degree that his stump is bleeding, but between that and these cuts on his hip, you’re seriously surprised that he’s still conscious.</p><p>As fast as you can, you grab another towel and apply pressure to that area. In response, you earn another pitiful cry of anguish. “Sorry!!” is your reflexive reply.</p><p>For the first time, Luppi speaks up. “Hurting… <em> me…!</em>” he hisses. Although it looks like he tries to take a breath, his chest only rises up so far before he lets out a strangled yelp.</p><p>“I-I’m trying to help!” You don’t know why you feel the need to defend yourself. It’s pretty clear that he doesn’t understand right now that you’re just trying to stop the bleeding. He just understands that you’re causing him pain. “Does your chest hurt, Luppi? Are you having trouble breathing?”</p><p>He doesn’t say anything, so you pull his outfit open to try and get a better look. There aren’t any wounds like the cuts on his hip or the missing arm. There is, however, a mess of plum splotches. There are more bruises here, a cluster of several so close together that they’re all blossoming into each other like an oil painting.</p><p>That shouldn’t keep him from breathing properly, should it? So… add in something internal going on in his chest.</p><p>“Hurts!” is all he can say. He lets out what sounds like a strangled cough, and when he does, blood bubbles up from it, staining his lips and dribbling down his chin. Flecks of it land on his chest and on any parts of his shirt that weren’t already covered. You have to hope that he isn’t too attached to this particular outfit.</p><p>Tears form in your eyes as you double your efforts in trying to get these wounds to <em>stop bleeding.</em> This isn’t fair. He doesn’t deserve to be in so much pain, so much that he can’t even form sentences. Why did Grimmjow just drop this man in your lap without a thought? Why isn’t the bleeding slowing down? <em>Where the fuck is Szayel to help you?!</em></p><p>Just as your anxiety starts threatening to boil over, the door opens again. Looking over, you see it’s the one person you were praying was going to show up soon. “Szayel!!”</p><p>“Here’s a tip, my dear,” Szayel sighs as he breezes into the room. “The louder you scream, the faster I will realize you need help. You’re very lucky Verona heard you and came running to alert me.”</p><p>“I-I just… Grimmjow came and… I h-had to… said he broke…” Ouch. Now <em>you’re</em> not even forming coherent sentences.</p><p>Szayel pushes up the remains of his mask. “Broke Luppi, yes. I can see that. Lumina, Verona! Take (Name) and get them a glass of water. (Name), you go sit down and take deep breaths.”</p><p>He pulls on a pair of gloves as two small, round heads poke into the doorway. “I’ll handle things from here.”</p><hr/><p>To their credit, Lumina and Verona do their best to keep you calm while you’re sitting in one of the common areas. Lumina plays with your hair while Verona pats your hand. The both of them chatter away about how you shouldn’t worry, about how Master Szayel will fix everything.</p><p>You humor them, but it’s hard not to worry about poor Luppi. How can you not be concerned? You’re still covered in his blood, and you don’t know if anything you did will make a difference in how well he’ll recover. You don’t know if he’s even alive. Of course, you have faith in Szayel’s abilities; when it comes to Arrancars’ medical care, he’s the best.</p><p>It’s just… scary. The thought that you did everything you were able and it might not be enough is devastating.</p><p>The thought that Luppi may die having lived his last moments in panic and suffering horribly is even worse.</p><p>After about an hour, Szayel comes out to share information with you. If not for the fact that very few of the Arrancars care about each other, you’d almost think he was relieved when he says, “The good news is that Luppi’s going to live.”</p><p>Before you can celebrate too much, the scientist wastes no time in crushing that little spark of hope that obviously shines in your eyes. “The bad news is, well… that arm of his isn’t going to grow back. He’s got a number of other injuries in addition. Several broken and bruised ribs, twenty deep lacerations over the Espada rank mark his right hipbone, and… goodness, I couldn’t even count all the other cuts. The wrist of his other arm is fractured, as well… as are both of his legs.”</p><p>“Oh, my God…” You cover your mouth as you try to comprehend all of that. How could Grimmjow do all of this to him? Not even how — <em>why?</em> Why in the world would he go to such lengths to hurt Luppi so thoroughly? Now Luppi can’t walk, can’t do anything with his remaining arm, is having a hard time breathing and probably speaking thanks to his injured ribs… it’s pretty likely he can’t even see that well because of the wound to the one eye and the bruises around the other.</p><p>… Wait. Did Szayel say that Luppi’s Espada rank marking is over his hipbone? Is that the black area you saw under the slashes? That’s the number which signifies where he is in the Espada lineup. There’s an insane amount of competition among Arrancars and especially among the Espada to advance in their ranking.</p><p>“Szayel,” there’s a lump forming in your throat, “what number Espada is Luppi?”</p><p>Grimmjow’s comments from before echo inside your head. <em> “Little brat who thinks he can keep my place even now.” </em></p><p>“Hm?” The man’s eyes are looking at you curiously, shining as if he’s half unsure why you want that information and half impressed by the path your mind is taking. His expression is twofold; part<em> Shouldn’t you be more concerned with his injuries? </em> and part <em> You’re putting it together, how sharp. </em></p><p>“Ah, well, interesting that you ask. Before Grimmjow went out of commission, Luppi was a bit of a nobody. He took Grimmjow’s place — Sexta. Number six. Then Grimmjow got his arm back, and, well… you can sort of see how that went.” The smirk that makes its way onto Szayel’s face as he pushes the remnants of his mask up doesn’t settle you at all. “He’s vicious, even for a Hollow! Clearly he doesn’t appreciate a pretty little threat strutting around.”</p><p>All of these facts connect like puzzle pieces in your mind. Grimmjow was the Sexta Espada before he lost his arm. While he was unable to serve Aizen, Luppi was the Arrancar who took his place. You don’t know how long it’s been since Grimmjow regained his arm, but…</p><p>Grimmjow did all of this to Luppi just for taking his place. To take his own place back. To send a message that Sexta was <em> his </em> and no one else’s.</p><p>Those slashes over Luppi’s hip were an attempt to rip apart the skin that was marked with Grimmjow’s number. Grimmjow was trying to fully erase any visible evidence that Luppi had ever held his number. He was trying to annihilate whatever significance Luppi associated with being Sexta.</p><p>If Luppi’s identity is in any way tied up in his status as Sexta, that emotional agony must be fracturing him into pieces right now.</p><p>The hand over your mouth shakes as tears start to drip from your eyes. There’s something so very, fundamentally wrong with that concept that it’s hard to wrap your mind around it. Why would he do that? Wasn’t Luppi just meant to do Grimmjow’s job? What should he have done, turned down the position and left Sexta empty because Grimmjow didn’t have an arm? Wouldn’t someone else have taken it if Luppi didn’t fill that role?</p><p>Would Grimmjow have done this to <em> anyone </em> who’d taken the position?</p><p>Just thinking about this is horrifying. Grimmjow tried to destroy this man. He expects you to fix Luppi just so he can break him further and have some kind of twisted revenge.</p><p>This is <em>sick.</em></p><p>“Grimmjow said he was going to do this again,” you gasp. It comes out before you can even try to stop it. Your shoulders are quaking by this point as you’re trying so hard to reel in your sobbing. But you <em> can’t. </em> How are you supposed to tend to Luppi knowing that once you get him healed, he’s just going to be hurt again? “He told me to ‘fix’ Luppi, so he could ‘break him’ again, and that he was going to be mad if it took too long!”</p><p>Szayel clicks his tongue. “Oh, doesn’t surprise me. Like I said, Grimmjow is brutal even for being one of us. Not only was he not happy with being replaced, but from what I hear, the phrase ‘graceful winner’ is not in Luppi’s vocabulary. He probably made Grimmjow angry in more ways than one, and now that Grimmjow is back to full strength…” He crosses both arms over his chest, and for once, he looks decently solemn. “It’s not a good time to be Luppi Antenor. Of course, I also don’t blame Grimmjow.”</p><p>“<em>What? </em>” By this point it’s hard to form thoughts, let alone get them out as words. Why the hell would he encourage this kind of behavior? You know Szayel is more than a little unhinged, but even he just admitted that what Grimmjow’s done to Luppi is savage.</p><p>“Ah, dear, I knew you wouldn’t understand. You haven’t absorbed much that I’ve told you about the way Hollows interact with one another, have you? You really should pay more attention. I didn’t take an ignorant human under my tutelage so they could <em> stay </em> ignorant.” He makes a motion which you recognize as an attempt to shoo Lumina and Verona out of the room.</p><p>The two of them oblige quickly, after one final hug to you. (Though people can say what they like about those two being annoying or dull, at least they have the awareness to recognize that their friend is upset.)</p><p>Szayel clicks his tongue. “All Grimmjow did was reclaim his place and assert his dominance over Luppi. I know you don’t know because you haven’t dealt with Luppi before, but… let’s see if I can use a comparison you might understand.”</p><p>His head gestures toward the other door. “Luppi is like a… like a very small, very annoying dog. Grimmjow, however, is a big dog. Grimmjow had a very certain place with his master, and suddenly he was injured, unable to perform the things his master wanted of him. Borderline useless, as far as everyone else was concerned.So Luppi instead filled Grimmjow’s role. He not only filled the role, he flaunted it to anyone who would listen — including bragging to the one he replaced. He barked one too many times at Grimmjow, and paid the price for it as soon as Grimmjow was able to put Luppi back in his place. It makes sense, doesn’t it?”</p><p>“But you’re not <em>dogs,</em>” you speak up. It’s starting to feel like you’re never going to stop crying. Everything else you may have somewhat understood or been able to pretend to understand. This? You can’t understand this. You can’t even pretend to. “You’re <em>people.</em> If Grimmjow was so pissed at Luppi, he didn’t have to go this far! He should have yelled at him, not tried to murder him!”</p><p>A mad cackle fills the room, and Szayel mimes wiping a tear from his eye. Without context, you might have thought you’d just told him the funniest joke he’s ever heard. “Tried to murder him? <em> ¡Eso es gracioso! </em> If Grimmjow had wanted Luppi dead, he would <em> be </em> dead. Much as he might like to pretend otherwise, Luppi is weaker than Grimmjow. No, no, (Name). This is much worse.”</p><p>You can’t imagine feeling any more like vomiting than you do right now. “So, he… he <em> mean</em><em>t </em> that? He’s going to hurt Luppi again once he’s healed?”</p><p>“Ah, well…” Szayel gives you a noncommittal shrug. He doesn’t have to say anything for you to know what he means. “It’s unfortunate, but better Luppi than me.” He raises an eyebrow. “Or you, for that matter, so I don’t see why you’re so broken up about it. In fact, from what I gather, Grimmjow told <em>you</em> <em>specifically</em> to fix Luppi. So if it takes too long, you’re going to be the one Grimmjow is upset with. That’s not a good place to be, so if I were you, I’d have incentive to patch Luppi up quickly, lest I be the next one missing pieces.”</p><p>There’s a lump in your throat that you can’t possibly swallow past. Why should it be fear driving you to help Luppi? He’s suffering, and easing that suffering should be all the reason you need to help him.</p><p>“You did most of the work already,” you mutter. Even though you’re terrified of what Grimmjow might do to you, you would want to help Luppi even if you hadn’t been threatened. “What else do you want me to do? Hollows can heal themselves, right? Just like humans, but faster.”</p><p>“So you’ve been paying some attention after all! That’s true — except for his arm, Luppi’s wounds will heal. However… he still needs to be watched. I may have had you send Yylfordt on his merry way after fixing his shoulder, but extensive damage like Grimmjow inflicted on Luppi, well, he isn’t going to be able to continue on with whatever he’s been doing.”</p><p>Szayel tilts his head at you, pausing in his speech. “Also, I’m loathe to even admit this, but I’m rather curious how you might handle taking care of such a patient on your own. Imagine; an Arrancar missing a limb, decorated with countless injuries, in an excruciating amount of pain, whose massive ego has been completely flattened… and <em> this </em> is the first Arrancar you’d be tending to by yourself without the expert influence of Szayel Aporro Granz! Obviously I’d be available to give you advice, but to watch my little student bring their own personal, <em> humanish </em> touch to an Arrancar’s recovery…”</p><p>He sounds entirely too enthusiastic about this. It’s like this is all one big soap opera to him and you’ve just become his favorite side character who gets a week of episodes in the spotlight after being onscreen for maybe two minutes prior.</p><p>Despite the fact that it’s better than him having lost all interest in you to the point that he’s tempted to dissect you, and that you should be used to it by now, his sadistic glee in any horrible situation like this never ceases to frustrate you.</p><p>Also, his use of the completely fabricated word ‘humanish’… there’s something about it that makes your blood boil. He’s clearly expecting you to fail and be incompetent at caring for an Arrancar without any real help.</p><p>At any rate, as scared as you are and as much as you feel overwhelmed, you <em> do </em> want to help Luppi. Though you hate to think it, the way you imagine Szayel caring for him gives you goosebumps in the worst way, especially when you think about how he ‘took care’ of his own brother. If Luppi has any chance at recovering properly, mentally <em> and </em> physically, you feel obligated to step up to the plate. Knowing how much pain he’s in and how Szayel would tend to him, you can’t just refuse, even if you don’t feel ready.</p><p>“Do you think that’s a good idea, then?” You glance back toward the door behind which Luppi is likely trying to rest. Just thinking about him lying in there in agony makes your heart clench. “I can… do my best. You’d be there for advice? Anything I asked you for, you’d make sure I got what I needed to take care of him, even if it’s not what you would do, as long as I’m not making things worse?”</p><p>The awful twinkle in Szayel’s eye makes it very apparent that <em> making things worse </em> wouldn’t actually be a deal breaker. “ Why, of course! To sate my curiosity, anything you need, I will ensure that I provide it. Even if it’s unconventional. Just do me a favor and try not to get too attached, <em> ¿de acuerdo? </em> You remember what Grimmjow said. Once Luppi is healed, this is just going to happen again. I know humans are sentimental, and the last thing I need is my little assistant getting all weepy over someone else’s pain.”</p><p>You take a deep breath, shakily getting to your feet. If you have anything to say about it, Luppi’s suffering isn’t going to repeat itself. “Like I said, I’ll… I’ll do my best. I can’t promise that I won’t get attached… but… either way, I’m sure you’ll be satisfied.”</p><p>“At least you know me well enough by now. Thank goodness. Now, before we start settling you in on your little project…” Your mentor gives you a once-over before clicking his tongue in disappointment. “You need to change those clothes and wash your face off. You allowed Luppi to make a mess. A shame that his blood stained your shirt <em> and </em> your pants. Go clean yourself up, then we’ll sort out your setup.”</p><p>It feels like you’re floating with every step that takes you into the makeshift bathroom. Fresh clothes are always inside the closet, so you take out a new set and then undress.</p><p>Eerily, perhaps, Szayel set this up similarly to how you’ve told him a human restroom is laid out — complete with a mirror above the sink. As you change your clothes, you can’t help but catch a glimpse of your reflection.</p><p>You look scared and drained. Shell-shocked, almost, like someone who’s just come back from a battle they only narrowly won. Your eyes are red and puffy, dried tear tracks staining your cheeks. Staring wide-open but exhausted.</p><p>Worst is the streak of Luppi’s blood across your face. It paints from the top of your cheek near to your jawline, dried to a deep rusty red, and it feels like your skin is going to crack apart if you move too fast. Looking at it makes you want to burst into tears. Your hands start to shake.</p><p>You scrub at it until you’re sure it’s gone, until your skin is irritated enough that it’s bright pink in that one spot.</p><p>The blood is washed down the drain, but the memory of Luppi having thrown his arms around your neck, in so much pain that all he could do was wail, feels like it’s choking you.</p><p>You’ve been in this place for months, but it’s only just now that you realize these people who you’ve been living among are all beyond repair. There won’t be any truly ‘fixing’ Luppi.</p><p>You tell yourself that doesn’t matter.</p><p>
  <em> You still have to try. </em>
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